A Conversation with "The Lovers" Author Rebekah Faubion

[00:00:09] Portrait of a Fan Girl is a web series and podcast created by Temple of Geek. At the core of the project is the importance of telling the stories of women who have found inspiration, growth, and power through fandom.

[00:00:20] My name is Janna Ren. I'm the host of the Portrait of a Fan Girl podcast, and today I am talking with novelist Rebekah Faubion. Hi, Rebekah!

[00:00:28] Hi! Thank you for having me.

[00:00:31] Well, thank you for coming on. I am a big fan of yours. I'm very excited.

[00:00:36] I'm so honored that you're a fan. Thank you.

[00:00:41] This is actually my first podcast about this book, so...

[00:00:46] Is it really?

[00:00:47] Yeah, officially about the book for the launch. So this is like huge.

[00:00:52] Ooh, okay. So we... You heard it here first, folks. We're the inside scoops. The first one.

[00:00:58] Yes, I am going to get into your book in a minute, but I know if I start with it that I'm going to definitely get distracted by wanting to talk all about it.

[00:01:06] We have time. We'll get there.

[00:01:08] It's phenomenal. It's great and I can go on for a long time.

[00:01:12] Could you just please introduce yourself to our audience and tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?

[00:01:16] Yeah. So I'm Rebekah Faubion. I am an author and I am a novel screenwriter and I write short stories and I just basically...

[00:01:31] I write. That's what I do. And I read tarot, which you'll find out more about because of my book that I wrote.

[00:01:38] And I am definitely, I would say probably first and foremost a fangirl. So like my true origin, my true core.

[00:01:47] Yes, your origin story as a fangirl.

[00:01:49] Yes.

[00:01:51] That's where we always kind of like to start out the podcast is asking our guests how they view the term fangirl and if that's something that's changed over the course of your life.

[00:02:01] Yeah. So I think for me it definitely has changed over the course of my life, over the course of like especially kind of starting to create art myself and how like my relationship to what I create.

[00:02:16] But I don't think it's changed intrinsically or in any way that doesn't make me relate to being a fangirl in the same way.

[00:02:24] I think being a fangirl is loving something, whether that be a piece of art, a movie, a TV show, a book, a comic, a band, a musician.

[00:02:39] Like there's anything you can love. Loving that so much that you want to share that love with other people.

[00:02:48] You want to talk about it. You want to kind of evangelize it to the world.

[00:02:52] And also that you want to find other people who also love it. So I think being a fangirl is like kind of, it's like goes hand in hand. It's like you want to talk about it and you want to find the community that understands this love of some of this thing.

[00:03:10] And that is how I feel about it now even as an author. Meeting other authors and people in the entertainment industry.

[00:03:19] I still am a fan of a lot of things, a lot of these things that I love, that people that I meet I'm like oh you're like I loved your book so much or I loved your movie but it's like

[00:03:30] But I'm also part of that community now too so it's like you can be, it's how that has changed as I've started to like write, write books and write things that are going to be seen.

[00:03:43] Right so you're more, you can now be on the receiving end of fangirls.

[00:03:49] A little, yeah sure. I mean which is a strange experience but I think that it doesn't like it doesn't change the fact that like I understand like falling in love with something and wanting to like scream about it at like as loud as possible.

[00:04:05] I still want to do that.

[00:04:07] Always that's what the fun part of being a fangirl is is just sharing that enthusiasm and being excited.

[00:04:13] Yeah I mean I think that it's like fangirls I know that there's like you know we live in a patriarchal misogynistic society and I think anything that women love gets painted in these like broad strokes of like it's like silly or it's, it's, you know, it's about them having

[00:04:30] like a crush on them and sometimes that factors in sometimes you do have a crush because you are obsessed like passionate about something. But it's so much deeper than that and you know that I will forever see the praise of the fangirl.

[00:04:45] Have you had a moment in your career so far where you were fangirling over someone you met?

[00:04:52] Oh yeah I mean I will say that somebody that I met that is like very well known like going to get embarrassed is that I met who is also calling technically but very much at a she's at such a level that you know beyond where I am now but years ago I met Li Bardugo for a like I actually started following her when she was

[00:05:21] before Shadow and Boom came out so like I was like that was like when I was writing and I early in my career I was writing young adult novels solely so I was like writing young adult fantasy and sci-fi and stuff.

[00:05:33] And I had gone to an event and I met Li at that event and she like friended me on Facebook and it was like before she was like Li Bardugo even though I feel like she was always Li Bardugo like my experience with her from the beginning was like you are something

[00:05:50] you've created something really special and you are something really special.

[00:05:55] And years later when she was Li Bardugo I went to one of her book events in Los Angeles and she remembered me and like specific things about me.

[00:06:08] And that moment was like so wild because I had I was like this is incredible that this person who has so many fans who is so like widely known.

[00:06:20] You know remembered me like and took the time to like say my name and like remember and say things about my like I know you're I know you've got a book on submission like she knew things which I just thought wow.

[00:06:32] And that was like it stuck with me as like wow how can somebody that make like that big like she's still like that so sometimes yes meet your heroes.

[00:06:44] Yes, I mean it's happened to me in my very short career doing this so far and it's it's definitely not the don't meet your heroes I haven't experienced that yet fingers crossed.

[00:06:55] Yeah, yeah I haven't either I mean anybody I've met who I've perceived as a hero I felt like they've been you know mostly really really kind.

[00:07:04] Right. That's that's so that takes a certain person to remember you know your fans from all these years and that's that's an amazing thing and unique experience for the fan themselves.

[00:07:16] Yeah, I really I will always sort of like seeing her praises because I know that she's I know I'm not the only person who's had that experience with her.

[00:07:25] And I think it just says a lot about her as an individual that definitely does.

[00:07:30] So what are you currently fangirling over.

[00:07:33] Oh man.

[00:07:35] My interests are very broad and very, you know, far reaching and often like what I'm interested in will kind of coincide with either something I'm like thinking about working on or I have or like like something I'm like kind of playing around with in my own mind I'll sort of like find something that touches on that.

[00:07:58] So I have like a few different things that I want to I am going to name this is definitely not like a complete list the complete list you'd be.

[00:08:07] Yeah, that would be that would be a novel and then of itself.

[00:08:10] Um, but one of the things I got really into fairly recently was the show yellow jackets, which is like, like kind of a horror, you know, dual timelines with like cannibalism I don't know if you've watched the show.

[00:08:27] And that's what as a romance author I'm sure that's what you are expecting me to say.

[00:08:33] But I also read I also write horror.

[00:08:36] Um, so, so yellow jackets like I binge the first seat I was like very like I'm not going to watch the show like I don't think I'm gonna like it. And then I watched the first episode and got completely hooked on it and binge the first season and I had this like truly feral like

[00:08:55] Just I can't watch this fast enough I can't and it did kind of unlock I had been like playing around with the story idea that I later sold to Delacorte which is being a random house as a young adult novel.

[00:09:10] Um, that sort of had like nothing is nothing like yellow jackets except that there was like this element of like this group of girls sort of lost.

[00:09:19] And yellow jackets kind of like unlock that for me so that was one of them and something else I recently got really obsessed with it I'm like way they way behind is pretty little Liars.

[00:09:31] The original seasons of that show which is I'm like it's crazy, like that I I got so obsessed with it.

[00:09:41] Like, and obviously, oh my god it's I mean it came out in the 2000 like 2010s I think. And it's it's got a queer storyline and there's a queer character in it and, and I don't even know actually I do remember why because my film agent was like, Oh this story this young adult again this young adults project is sort of reminds me of like pretty little Liars a little bit even though it's nothing like it.

[00:10:07] And so I was like well I've never seen that I should watch it. And I did and I got like, again that sort of I only ever get like completely feral over things like only ever like, I'm either like, Oh it's fine or or I'm like, Oh my god.

[00:10:23] I have to read it and zoom everything.

[00:10:27] So that was very much same experience, and I know we have questions about another thing that I'm a fan of so we'll talk about that later. Yes, something for y'all to stick around for.

[00:10:38] Absolutely yes, we do so the intrigue.

[00:10:42] Yeah, the mystery.

[00:10:44] Well, I am a fan girl of your book that's coming out. I'm so excited to talk about this. It's your first novel right your first published novel.

[00:10:55] It is my first novel under my real name so I did actually publish some books under a pen name with a co author.

[00:11:05] But that has since feast, and now I am writing solely under my real name which is is something I wanted from the very very beginning of starting to write novels so this is.

[00:11:17] This is both really, really impactful for me because obviously it's a debut on my own to debut under my real name but it's also a queer book. This is my first time writing a queer book in this way after coming out so it is this book is very special to me.

[00:11:37] Yes, I love it it is called the lovers and this book is set to debut in September right.

[00:11:43] Yes, end of September.

[00:11:46] So what can you tell the audience about the lovers.

[00:11:51] So the lovers is a steamy sapphic rom com that is about a tarot mystic who has a YouTube channel and she's kind of like an influencer.

[00:12:03] And she years ago had had a falling out with her best friend in high school because they kind of had like a little connection, a romantic connection but they since fell out.

[00:12:15] And she ends up reconnecting with this woman at a wedding that they are both working in Joshua tree, and that woman is the wedding planner, and they kind of rekindle this friendship and start both are questioning if they have deeper feelings for each other.

[00:12:38] It is so good I was lucky enough to get a little sneak peek of it before we got to do this interview and when you say like you know the things that you consume you go crazy over that was me reading this book I would send you messages and be like I'm up to this part of the book.

[00:12:55] Oh my God.

[00:12:55] I was like, I was like, so that was like honestly the first time anybody was live texting me about the book like that wasn't like my critique partner.

[00:13:07] And I because like so very like at that point when you got the copy, like it had just come out on early readers. So it was, it was fresh and I was just like this is.

[00:13:21] I can't believe somebody is having this reaction to my work, like I can't believe that you're and somebody who truly like understands like good media and like knows what a good story is like that meant so much to me and I was, I was just like, somebody's fangirling over my work.

[00:13:37] That's surreal.

[00:13:39] I was I am it's it's great it's new adult you'd consider it right not necessarily.

[00:13:46] Yeah, she's there they're both in their like 20 late mid to late 20s. Very sort of coming of age there's definitely like a lot of coming of age like I would say that kind of quarter life crisis that Saturn return season.

[00:14:01] They're both in it and and that's very coming of age which I think lends itself to like sort of the younger voice that they both have and yeah, that's definitely

[00:14:13] Yeah, I like that that the age, the genre of it because like I'm in my mid 30s and I actually when I finish it I pass the book on to my sister who's 18 and I was like you have to read this you're going to love this.

[00:14:26] It like works on a lot of different levels yeah because like at 18 you're also questioning like what am I doing with my life.

[00:14:36] Who am I, and you know 30. I feel like we're never not questioning that actually now that I'm saying that I am not I'm in my late 30s and I'm like, when I am what am I doing.

[00:14:48] Right.

[00:14:49] I did I said you have to read this so I don't know she's not a big reader but she was excited because it was a queer novel and yeah, it is exciting to see represented in media today, but what inspired you with this book.

[00:15:04] So there was definitely a few things I, I fairly recently kind of later in life, not not super recently but in my 30s I was in my 30s coming out person.

[00:15:16] I had known since I was, you know forever that I was bisexual but I living that sort of authentic truth X like out in the world and sort of talking about it and like being out had been really difficult because of my upbringing.

[00:15:32] And so I had gone through a bit of a public coming out with both within my, you know, like my close family and friends who didn't know I was queer, and we're in dealing with the kind of the judgment of that, and then fall out of that and also like talking about it

[00:15:48] online for the first time in a way that felt very vulnerable.

[00:15:53] And so some of it was I really was still grappling with this experience. And when you're a writer that's kind of how you understand the world as you write about it and so I, I knew I wanted to write a story that I could explore this these big questions that I was having

[00:16:14] and this like experience of now being out and people knowing this thing about me, and how people who weren't close to me knowing this thing about me and how that had changed, like their perception of me.

[00:16:26] If it did or if it didn't like, of course not everybody cares about you coming out but there were a lot of people who did. And so I knew I wanted to write about that.

[00:16:35] And then sort of simultaneously as all that was going on in my life, I got into tarot. And I because I, I, as I said I came from a conservative Christian upbringing and tarot was like a no no for me.

[00:16:52] And so as part of like, leaving that behind. I was like, I'm going to try it. I want I really want to try it and like figure out like how it made how I really feel about it so much of my sort of experience over the last like five years has been how do I really

[00:17:09] feel about that like how do I, how does that actually what do I truly think if I take away all of these things that I've been told are correct or been told you know, I should think, and as sort of part of understanding myself deeper and both of those things

[00:17:27] found their way into this idea about this girl who kid, the tarot reader is very in touch with like her intuition and very good because I always was very like I really related to being in touch with your intuition but still being like guarded about certain

[00:17:46] things and kind of afraid to explore certain things. So kit is this terror reader who's really good at reading other people and really good at giving you know tarot advice and so much so that she's like made a name for herself, but she herself has these questions that she's been

[00:18:01] struggling with to kind of bring to the surface. And she and so I wanted to write about that a character like that and a character who is like kind of a skeptic, like doesn't really believe in the power of the universe in that in that way, but is deeply wants to find

[00:18:21] somebody who loves them completely and who they can be vulnerable with, which I think near their journeys together like really mirror each other's questions. And so that was, that was sort of how it came up in my mind.

[00:18:36] And then I was like, well I wanted to be on location so what's like, and then it's just you start to put together the pieces of like, what do I want the story to feel like I wanted to feel like a romcom movie because I love romcoms and I want to see queer representation in a traditional

[00:18:50] romcom setting. And, you know, and then it just kind of snowballs from there.

[00:18:55] Yeah, it definitely has that for sure the romcom feeling like I can see it in a series or something like that because it has that feel that that fun but serious at the same time and I really like that.

[00:19:07] But thank you.

[00:19:09] When I come to the tarot incorporating tarot.

[00:19:12] This was something that you, you know fell in love with and started to kind of fangirl over yourself so what was that like operating that into your story.

[00:19:19] It was really interesting because I because you're telling a narrative right and so tarot itself. It follows a narrative like the major and minor or Khanna are, you know, telling a story telling the Fool's journey, the major

[00:19:36] or Khanna is telling the Fool's journey and all the major moments of our lives from sort of beginning to end and, and then you know way that they happen all throughout our lives.

[00:19:48] And the minor or Khanna is doing the same thing but in sort of smaller ways. And so it's very easy to think of ways to use tarot and a narrative because tarot is a narrative our lives are narratives.

[00:20:01] We have those big moments, those milestones that you see in stories. And so I kind of thought about like how can I utilize the tarot to first give me a catalyst like give me like the moment that sort of they both know like this is different

[00:20:22] and this something that's changed. And then how can I use it throughout to like reinforce what they're learning. And so it plays its way plays a role in like big ways with the big narrative plot but then because kit is a tarot reader, you get all these moments

[00:20:39] with people that she's reading in the novel at the wedding because she's doing she's working this wedding and they hired her to do readings. And so you're getting insights into these other characters and the story that you wouldn't normally really get this kind of insight into

[00:20:55] and so I had a lot of fun like figuring out what would their three or five cards spread see like what would the tarot say about this girl or this guy. And I use so I used it throughout just to sort of paint to really develop their characters to really develop the plot to develop the storyline.

[00:21:12] And it was just like really fun. I had I learned a lot more about tarot writing this book, like I had to study, because there's you have to know how to put together a reading that will make sense.

[00:21:26] Whereas like when you're pulling tarot you're just pulling it and you're understanding it, you know this I was like okay what what kind of reading do I want this person to have.

[00:21:35] So it was a really interesting experience.

[00:21:37] Right it takes away the unknown aspect of it since you're creating the story you have to make it.

[00:21:44] Yeah, another so it's yeah added experience for you there.

[00:21:49] Yes I could not just be like oh what you know what do I what could what would they pull and just pull cards like it needs to say something that I'm trying to say about their characters which was like when I when I pitched the idea and when I was like I'm going to write this I was like thinking

[00:22:07] oh I wasn't thinking oh this is going to be really this is going to be challenging.

[00:22:11] Right it's a great element to be brought into the story, but I want to get on to talking about the representation in this book. So the Lovers is as you mentioned it's a sapphic romance novel and it features a cast of millennial characters including your main characters.

[00:22:28] And for myself as a queer millennial I found that it's really inspiring to see this relatability and representation that we didn't have growing up and is so lacking in the romance genre in general.

[00:22:41] So what about the queer community did you specifically want to touch on with this novel.

[00:22:47] Oh this is such a great question. I mean, I think first and foremost my experience and my understanding from so many people in my friend group who are queer who are diverse and they the like the understanding and accepting your authentic identity.

[00:23:07] And not just like being like this is who I am and I'm going to be this way kind of even beyond that being like normally is this who I am and I'm good and this is how it was born.

[00:23:18] I want to be this way. And this is like a beautiful way to be and it's just as meaningful and romantic and sexy and powerful and all of those things as we've seen heterosexual heteronormative system relationships displayed for so long.

[00:23:38] And so that was like kind of definitely at the core, the themes of identity, authenticity, self acceptance, trusting your intuition.

[00:23:48] And those themes are something that I've seen in my experience with the queer community of a need for not just like we were in Pride Month so it's like, we're proud and we say that and why are we saying that because we have to be proud, because so many people don't want us to be.

[00:24:10] So many people wanted to be something you're hiding that you want that like even if you admit it or even if you like are that that you don't bring out an open and that you're not celebrating and like, I really wanted to celebrate it I wanted to celebrate that's like, there's nothing at all like abnormal about this and not only that but like we are all valid in the way

[00:24:37] we represent ourselves within the community. Like, if you identify as queer and whatever way that you identify as queer, you are a valid part of the community, and that was something I really wanted to show with like there's definitely different representation of queerness in the story.

[00:24:55] Right. And, and you know, on the heels of that you have an element in your story where I mean I don't want to really give too much away but it is something that you bring up right in the beginning so I feel like we're safe to talk about it right yeah yeah.

[00:25:09] The main character's mother is late in life, bisexual comes out as bisexual and this is something that you hear more about in real life. Nowadays, you know you have these stories of these manner women who have had families for 20 30 years and have this realization late in life.

[00:25:25] So for you why was that an important aspect to incorporate into your book.

[00:25:30] I mean, I think that when you I am a bisexual woman who is married to a man who has a child. I think that that the, especially for bisexual people who who are attracted to more than one gender.

[00:25:47] It is the erasure of that is so harmful. And it is, it is so hard it makes it just another layer of coming to accept and speak about who you are and identify who you are and understand yourself in a deeper way.

[00:26:06] When people in your community when people outside of you know who are who know you say well why you're married to a man like what does it matter that you're by I have I personally experienced that quite a bit when I was coming out.

[00:26:25] And, and I also feel like seeing her mother come out and be so open about it at that stage when she had a lot to lose.

[00:26:36] Is something that really when kid is confronted with that is it not forces her because that's not the right word it really presents the reality that what she's perceived as what she needs to be and how she needs to be this way in the world.

[00:26:52] Is it true. And she's actually 100% allowed to be whoever she really is, because look at her mom, her mom is like giving up a marriage that she thought that kid that was like perfect you know, because that wasn't like the whole story.

[00:27:11] And I think that that's really important because I think that there's you're never too old to come out of the closet you're never too old to live your authentic life. There's never a point where you have, you lose the opportunity to be fully who you are.

[00:27:27] And I think that's important to show.

[00:27:31] Right, and it's an element of, you know, you don't owe it to anyone either to, you know, deny that part of you and I think that that's a really interesting subplot that you put in the story I really enjoyed seeing that.

[00:27:44] And, you know, do you think that that will resonate with an older generation or that they'll respond a certain way to that plot line.

[00:27:51] I hope so. I mean, I would love for readers of all ages to pick this book up and see themselves reflected in one of the characters who are, you know, coming into a place of understanding about their identity.

[00:28:05] I think that, like I said, I think that you just never are too old or too young to try to know yourself better.

[00:28:13] The Lovers is of course an adult story. But it is, you know, it's like we said it's a very much a story about coming of age.

[00:28:23] And I think we're always experiencing that even when we're in our 60s, you know, that's how old kids mother is that age and it's like, your life isn't done, you know, let's like so I do hope that older readers pick this book up and, you know, enjoy the zany

[00:28:40] millennials but also see themselves reflected.

[00:28:45] There's something for everyone in there. Yeah, but continuing along the lines of your publication journey. What do you wish you knew before you started this journey that you know now.

[00:28:59] Oh, wow.

[00:29:02] I think that I wish that I had really savored the time when I wasn't writing a book for an editor in publishing house.

[00:29:14] I think I was definitely somebody who got impatient about the journey and how long the journey takes to get a book published and and just wanted to be in the career part of my author life.

[00:29:29] And now that I'm in it, I love it and it's I'm so thankful to be here and I'm so happy to be here.

[00:29:36] But it changes the way you write, because you're no longer just writing in a vacuum or no one were probably maybe no one will ever see it.

[00:29:45] I, you know, you're writing a book that people will see people will have a reaction to people will develop an attachment to or in one way or another. And I wish that I had enjoyed it more like the anonymity but at the same time.

[00:30:02] I think that like, I learned a lot because of how long I had to learn that like now I feel ready for it in a way that I wasn't ready for it five years ago.

[00:30:17] And because writing like writing a book on a deadline is very different than writing a book when you just get to decide how long it's going to take.

[00:30:28] But I think that, you know, so wherever you are in the journey if you're a writer, just enjoy it. Just enjoy it.

[00:30:37] Enjoy it and like trust that your timing is going to work out perfectly. I, I remember feeling very anxious that my timing would not that I would miss my opportunity.

[00:30:50] Right. Yeah, it's, it's you know one of those things where it works out the way it's supposed to like maybe the time that you had up until now allowed you to hone your craft more like you said to be ready for this part of your career.

[00:31:01] Yeah, because it's definitely it's definitely different than like it was before. Like, you're, you know, you're writing for an editor who has, you know, you're going to be getting feedback like you've got a publishing house who's like they're going to package it like it becomes a product,

[00:31:18] immediately. And I think that that is a wonderful thing and a wonderful gift. I do not take it for granted. And I think that like, just enjoy like the process of getting ready for it to become a product.

[00:31:33] Right. Because it does like once it's a product it's like, it's now a thing that exists in the world separate from you.

[00:31:40] Right. It's to be sold to be marketed to be brought to a wide array of people who would like the story and want to consume it. Yeah.

[00:31:50] Which is wild and amazing.

[00:31:54] It's must be mind blown. I am excited for your journey. I'm excited for you to be publishing this first book like and to kind of watch you on your journey.

[00:32:03] Yes, thank you.

[00:32:04] So it is surreal.

[00:32:06] But in the acknowledgments of your book and this is what we wanted to get into earlier, you give a shout out to the kpop band BTS.

[00:32:15] Tell me about that fan girl journey and how it's fueled your professional life.

[00:32:21] Oh wow. Okay, so I and I got into BTS sort of very, very, it's kind of a magical story.

[00:32:33] I had friends who were into BTS and they were kind of, they knew that I like have a fan girl inside of me and they were like maybe show like this but I was like, I'm not going to get into it because I see how crazy you guys are.

[00:32:44] And I just am so like, I know I'll get, I'm like, I'm going to get into it if I get into it. And so, so I had really resisted the urge for a long time.

[00:32:53] And though I had, you know, been watching them sort of quietly on the sidelines and I one night I had a dream about BTS.

[00:33:07] And it was this very specific performance and I had not seen their performances. You know, really, I had not that is not something that I had done and I had a stream and it was about about BTS and I was like I woke up in the morning and I was like, what if I just watch like one famous words.

[00:33:28] Truly. It's like they in the fandom, they always say like, you know, I just want to know their names and then then I'll be fine. I'll move on. And I was like, what if I just watch this one video. And so then I watched the one video and then I was like, well what if I just watched a couple of more and then I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a Starbucks.

[00:33:48] What if I listened to some of their music in the car. And like it was pretty much right away. I was just like, and it was and I encountered BTS this dream sort of moment happened when I was really going through some stuff in my personal life that was very, very difficult and intense.

[00:34:07] And I always believe this about any fandom that you find yourself in. You always find your fandom that you need in that moment in time to help you get through the thing.

[00:34:21] And I needed something to help me get through the thing that I was going through. And I like called my friends and I was like, okay, I like, I want to come over and I want you to teach me about BTS.

[00:34:35] Like, and I so I fully willingly, you know, consented to the obsession that was about to play out. And but what was interesting about it was, it started off very much as like, okay, I'm just gonna like enjoy this thing.

[00:34:50] And I did learn their names and I did, you know, start to like kind of develop a bias, which is like your favorite of the band.

[00:35:01] But in the process of developing this bias, my favorite one who is all this thing because there are probably armies listening.

[00:35:11] Namjoon RM of BTS who is the leader is my bias. And I was going through this very intense thing and it was related to my coming out and some other areas of my life that were just kind of falling apart.

[00:35:25] And I watched this video that where BTS went to the UN. And it was during the love yourself, love yourself, speak yourself campaign that they did and part of that campaign was with the UN reaching out to like youth just speak their truth to love themselves completely to kind of embrace their identities.

[00:35:50] And there's this video and you can watch it, you just Google like BTS UN or Namjoon UN speech. And in the speech, Namjoon talks about kind of this how when he was a child he had these dreams and he had these like feelings.

[00:36:10] And as he got older, he shoved himself into a mold that was expected of him and lost that sort of love. And then he goes on to talk about speed and it's I'm not gonna I cannot perfectly put incredibly beautiful speech.

[00:36:27] And I had like the most visceral experience, watching the speech because of what I was going through in my personal life with coming out and how it was being happening and how things were going with that.

[00:36:39] And I just had this moment was like, you know, nothing is going to keep me from being who I am from loving all of myself from speaking my truth about who I am.

[00:36:55] And keep and nothing is going to keep me from living the life that I want to live.

[00:37:00] And no part of nothing that is like confining me into a life that is not that I'm not I'm gonna get rid of it.

[00:37:06] And that was the most it was a defining moment of my personal life. And I not very long after that, I wrote, I came up with the idea for the lovers like it was within probably the next year.

[00:37:21] And all through the time leading up to that, I was really learning about loving myself and really learning about being open to who I was as a person.

[00:37:32] And BTS was right alongside me. So it's very hard for me to even kind of, they're very intertwined in my mind, the BTS fandom being army, my love for BTS and what they gave me, and how I was a how being in that fandom.

[00:37:51] Really gave me courage to kind of like leave everything behind that. And I had done that for there have been many stages over my life where fandom has done that for me and and it's like been phases like peeling an onion where I'd like peel an onion back, and to be like okay now I'm, I'm, I, oh, I'm done I know who I am now and then I'm

[00:38:11] like peel the onion back and at all those points there was like stand up like involved, which I think is just so, you know, incredible and my value in so much but BTS was there for like probably one of the most defining phases of that journey.

[00:38:30] And I don't know how I would have handled it without BTS.

[00:38:34] That is such a lovely story and it really goes to show the power of fandom. It's more than just, you know, being into something. It's so much deeper than that.

[00:38:45] It truly is like and anybody who there's this thing in an army where they say BTS always finds you when you need them.

[00:38:54] And I that's why I'm always like I have to tell the part about having that dream about BTS because I really do feel like BTS actually was like she needs us.

[00:39:05] There you go.

[00:39:06] Your life when you need them it's, you know, it's funny because this particular season of the podcast.

[00:39:12] A common thread has been BTS. A lot of people are BTS fans like Alice who are the season you know Alice.

[00:39:21] Alice is my friend that I call Alice I call Alice my army leader because Alice is the one who helps me learn BTS.

[00:39:29] And Alice is how we met, you know, actually saw her on the podcast.

[00:39:35] So Alice we love her and we love Alice check her out in episode two but I know Alice is a big fan and there were a few other interviews I've done where they've mentioned, you know, BTS and then I was actually doing one last night it's not not out yet.

[00:39:49] But the woman I interviewed is a huge huge BTS fan and after we during the interview I was saying the same thing you did I was like,

[00:39:58] I know I'm going to be sucked in so that's why I've been kind of like you can't know because it literally and it's always I just want to learn their names and then I'll be fine.

[00:40:09] I'm just going to watch this one video and then I'll be fine and no don't I've always like I always tell people in there like I'm thinking about it, you know, and I'm like, okay make sure you're ready.

[00:40:18] Make sure I got up last night and she was like I'm going to text you a bunch of BTS videos.

[00:40:23] Okay, I think that this is it. I have to now you and it's true. I mean and the thing is like it gets you they get you in this funny way because you think how can just like I remember thinking this how can just like they they're a band like how can they but they're not just a band.

[00:40:40] And that's what happened is there's all this other world of BTS that you get into and then you're like wait a second my entire life is BTS.

[00:40:47] I was a boy band or two growing up so I mean I feel like it's there it's waiting.

[00:40:53] It's there, it's there because they are and they're I mean it's just there's nothing like watching them dance I'll be honest.

[00:41:00] So it brings me back to like you know the early 2000s where it was like a height of boy band mania and it was it reminds me so much of that and that's like because I was definitely in that in that too.

[00:41:11] I don't feel like I was ever as obsessed with like backstreet boys or in sync as I am with BTS, which is hilarious because I'm so much older than I was.

[00:41:22] Like know yourself more like you know your life and your dislikes and you're more apt to show it and embrace it and in your adulthood.

[00:41:30] I felt so wild with how I was like showing my affection for BTS for a minute.

[00:41:38] I was like wow this is like I but I also was like I love it so much and it's doing so they're doing so much for me and my life that I knew people didn't totally understand it like like people on my Instagram were kind of like wait what is this but you it also helped me learn to kind of like embrace it.

[00:41:59] And I think that's the case the fact that like now everybody has to understand everything.

[00:42:04] You're okay to like put yourself out there. Some people will get it and those people and some people will get something else about you and like it's okay you just be who you are.

[00:42:15] That is the best message to take away from all of this is really be who you are and that's a great theme of this conversation it's, I think it's a great place for us to wrap it up right.

[00:42:26] It's wonderful it is I mean I'm like I feel like I said it all.

[00:42:29] You look at it so well that I'm like yeah.

[00:42:35] This has been fantastic.

[00:42:37] Tell me where we can follow you for updates about the lovers on social media.

[00:42:42] Yes, you can follow me on Instagram that's primarily where I am it's rfphobian.

[00:42:49] That's going to be your best place I also have a website that you can sign up for my sub sec newsletter which hopefully I will use more frequently but signing up there will get you information about me so that's another way but I would definitely say go to Instagram follow me.

[00:43:05] That's where we're going to get the most regular updates right now.

[00:43:08] Right and we will when this goes live will post will link to you everybody I really suggest giving Rebecca a follow and keeping an eye on the lovers and the publication coming out now.

[00:43:20] Yay thank you so much for having me this was so lovely.

[00:43:23] Thank you so much Reca.